Fleck

I was depressed this afternoon. I don't know why really. I woke up today and it was raining. The whole day was mostly gray and dreary. I worked at the public library today; Thursday is the last day of my internship. I've been tired lately, and there have been a lot of things on my mind. I applied for a job that I wanted and didn't get. My grandpa has scheduled some sort of surgery to do a bladder scope to see what sort of cancer he has. My sister broke her back tubing. I've also been reading a book for work called "Gifts: Mothers Reflect on How Children with Down Syndrome Enrich Their Lives." It's inspirational and touching, and it had me crying into my Jimmy John's at lunch yesterday. I don't even know if those reasons have anything to do with why I was sad. I've been thinking a lot about my future, and our future, and what exactly they are, and there are parts of it that worry me and scare me and excite me. Anyway, I was sad this afternoon.

Michael was trying to be patient with me. He asked me what I wanted to do, and I stopped short of what I wanted to say -- curl up in a ball and cry. When he suggested going for a short bike ride together, I was slightly annoyed. Didn't he understand? I was sad. I wanted to watch Casablanca, cuddle on the couch with the dog, and mope. I wanted to eat a popsicle. And he wanted to go for a bike ride. Doesn't he get it?

Yet we went anyway. Michael was trying so hard to cheer me up, that I figured I ought to try to let him. And something strange happened. It was beautiful outside by the lake, and the light was perfect. Michael was telling me what a great job I did on a couple hills; of course, they're a breeze for him. I'm not a very good cyclist, and a ten-year gap in riding, and the dozen or so short rides I've done since we moved here haven't been enough to make any impact on my fitness or skill level. But I appreciated that he realized it was an accomplishment for me.

As we got back in the car, I was smiling. And I realized then -- he gets it. He gets things about me that even I don't understand. I'm very lucky, and when I think about it, I have very few reasons to be sad. Oh, and I plan on practicing that ride again soon, this time hopefully remembering to breathe when I climb ...