Thought while listening

Sometimes, I sit and think about the things I used to sit and think about, and I wonder how the fuck that was ever me. Michael says I'm becoming more of a liberal. Maybe. I know I'm soft and getting softer. I was reading about Proposition 8 earlier and thinking about gay marriage and wondering how I could have ever been against that. And I know, and even knew at the time, that my reasons were not rational ones. They were emotion-based, faith-based. They were rooted in "gee, it just seems kinda weird, y'know?" FUCK WHAT I THINK IS WEIRD.

And then there's God. Now, I wonder how I ever believed what I did then. Imagione what it felt like to sit right at the edge of a revolution. To have someone tell you the world is round, the earth is not the center of the universe. To have the whole way you think about things turned against you. Yet to find that suddenly the opposite of what you've always known makes complete and total sense. That's a little how it feels to be an atheist.

Roll the bones

We watched a Rush concert tonight, and I decided that, if I was going to have a mantra, I'd make it

Why are we here? Because we're here.
Why does it happen? Because it happens.

That's been one of the things most interesting/good about atheism. To realize that nothing happens for a reason, that we have to make our own choices, there is no god to thank or blame. Why are we here? Because. Just because. That's it. What we make of being here, that's on us. Reminds me of a line from another song that I liked a lot the first time I heard it (in the movie Lost in Translation): There is nothing more than this. This is it. I'm going to do my damnedest to make the most of what there is and to live the best I can. Because I'm here.

(I can't promise that I'll actually be here all that much, but I'll be around. Sort of.)

Notes from PA

1. If you order Diet Coke here, nine times out of ten it comes with a lemon slice. I hate lemon in Coke. Hell, I even hate it in water.

2. I'm not a Democrat but I voted for one.

3. In addition to all of the "Another Family for McCain" signs I keep seeing, I saw my first "Another Democrat for McCain" sign. WTF?

4. This town is religious. Maybe not as much as the South, but enough that I am sometimes a bit uneasy.

5. I have my first teen library event tomorrow. It's a Halloween party that the teens organized themselves before I arrived. Apparently they all want to get together and read Edgar Allen Poe passages. I shit you not. Ahh, teenage angst.

6. I need a new driver's license and bank account.

7. Everyone eats potato pancakes here. They even sell them 4 for $1 at Subway.

8. How did a small town in Pennsylvania end up with so many Poles?

9. One of the last things we did before we moved was to go to this 80-year-old man's limestone sculpture garden and buy a fish made of Indiana limestone.

10. If you happen to live in California, please vote no on Proposition 8. Please.

11. You can't buy beer here in liquor stores. You can buy it in pizza shops. There are *a lot* of pizza places here.

12. Yesterday, Michael asked me if I considered myself patriotic. I said something about what I used to be and what I am, and how neither blind love nor blind hatred of one's country is particularly noble. But that I do think this country is flawed but the best option for freedom on earth, and I wouldn't live anywhere else. I hope it stays that way.

13. I'm a librarian now. But no one knows because I don't have a nametag. We had the options of pin or magnet backing. Pins put holes in all of your clothes and if you unhook it and get distracted like I do, it can poke you. Magnets are less dangerous but require you stick your hand up your shirt twice a day. I chose the magnet.

14. It turns out that it's a common problem that you can't fit a queen size box spring up the stairs in any of these old coal miner homes. We had this common problem. It also turns out you can buy them cut in half and it's apparently the shit around here. Does anyone in the greater Wilkes-Barre/Scranton have wider stairs and need a box spring?

15. Yueng rhymes with ding.

As the tides turn

I'm at a turning point. I think some of the Democratic party's ideas are stupid, but I think some of the Republican party's values are dangerous. And when it comes down to it, I'm not selfish enough to say that my desire to decrease spending trumps my desire to live in a sane country.

I have a visceral dislike of Sarah Palin. I've written about this before, but the more I hear her speak, the more I am convinced that she is 1. completely unqualified 2. dangerous and 3. a total bitch.

There have been a couple things that have really struck me in the last few weeks: Biden's performance in the VP debate. He came across as knowledgeable and human - like a statesmen. Palin came across as cocky, somehow both snotty and saccharine, and she constantly avoided the questions. Palin seems to want the VP to have more power a la Dick Cheney. The last think we need is an expanded government, especially with increased power given to someone like her.

I'm also beyond annoyed with Palin claiming that Obama pals around with terrorists. She's referring to radical 1960s domestic terrorist Bill Ayers. I've read a great deal about Ayers. His wife (and fellow domestic terrorist) Bernadine Dohrn teaches at my alma mater. The newspaper I ran there made it widely known that we were ashamed and disgusted to have her as part of our university community. All of this is meant to say I have no love for Ayers, his comrades, or their beliefs. But here is my problem - Obama served on the board of a non-profit with Ayers. This doesn't make them best friends or kindred spirits. They shared a similar interest in charity work. The best politicians have had ridiculous supporters, and likewise, ordinary, upstanding citizens have supported the worst of politicians.

We watched the debate tonight. McCain was completely underwhelming, and I'm fairly certain many of his supporters are just choosing him to toe the party line. I can't imagine anyone being truly, powerfully impressed with him. On the other hand, I understand why there are rabid Obama supporters; and while I will never be that, when I cast my ballot for president this year, it will be the first time I vote for a Democrat. I'll do so reluctantly, and with sadness that I can't choose someone who better matches my political ideology (I miss you, Ron Paul), but nonetheless - Barack Obama has my vote. May he be everything he says and all that we need.

Going to the forest, and we're gonna get married

It is now Thursday night. On Saturday, just past noon, I'm getting married. Until then I need to pick up keys for where we're staying, put up eight wooden signs so people can find us in the middle of nowhere, drop off the dog (and his I-poop-when-I'm-stressed-so-this-helps-me-stop-pooping medicine) at the dog sitter, and pick up my dress, and prepare for a phone interview on Monday, and buy more sparkling grape juice for the Mormons, and a million other things.

I haven't talked much about the wedding here very much. But the gist is: Michael proposed in February, it was amazing. He's amazing. We decided to get married in a nearby state forest where we've hiked and camped. It's a shelterhouse in the middle of nowhere. It costs $35 to rent it for the day. We're getting married by Michael's childhood pastor. We have two bridesmaids and two groomsmen. Michael's friend from high school is our photographer. His mom's friend and her son are our musicians. We're having barbecue from our favorite barbecue restaurant and cupcakes from our favorite bakery. And immediately following the reception, we're going on a hike. I may even wear my veil. Oh, and we're having s'mores the night before instead of a rehearsal dinner. That whole thing right there is so not what most people think of when they think of weddings. But it is us. So when the time comes on Saturday, and it rains on Saturday like predicted, we'll be standing there, soggy, with the biggest smiles on our faces. I'm very lucky to have Michael, and I can't wait to be his wife.

God vs. Change

I found this on The Meming of Life blog and it made me want to say things here, but I think it speaks for itself:

Now the New York Times has created a graphic concordance for the principal speeches in the Democratic and Republican National Conventions, selecting 23 “big theme” words or phrases common to speeches at both events, and it’s equally revealing.

The most common of the selected words for the Democrats? CHANGE, which was heard 89 times per 25,000 words. Most common Republican word? GOD, at 43 times per 25K. (For all their pragmatic pandering to religion, Democrats could only muster half as many references to Jehovah — 22.)

WTFGOPVP

I'm still alive. There are many things I've wanted to write about (and hopefully I will at some point) but I haven't yet. However, I'm pissed off enough that I thought I'd rant here.

Sarah Palin scares the shit out of me. For your benefit, I've made a list of reasons why. (Side note: I miss Ron Paul.)

When I first heard that Palin was McCain's running mate, I did what any half-engaged lazy American would do -- I looked her up on Wikipedia. I found this:

Environment shmironment

• Palin has strongly promoted oil and natural gas resource development in Alaska, including in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR), where such development has been the subject of a national debate.

• In 2007, Palin supported the Alaska Department of Fish and Game policy allowing Alaska state biologists to hunt wolves from helicopters as part of a predator control program intended to increase moose populations.

OK, first she wants to drill for oil in a wildlife refuge. Then she wants to shoot wolves from fucking aircraft because wolves kill moose, and moose are the prime targets of hunters in Alaska. So she's killing wolves to make more moose available for hunters.

Taking in sperm and spitting out babies

She also backs abstinence-only education. Here's the thing. No one is going around suggesting children start having sex at age 12. Everyone wants kids to wait to have sex until they're ready, to have sexual relationships that are meaningful, safe, and good. Is marriage necessary for that? No. Do you know what is necessary? A condom, so maybe your seventeen-year-old won't get knocked up.

Sweet censorship

After she became mayor, Palin approached the librarian to ask if she would be willing to remove books from the library if she was asked to do so. Palin fired the librarian in her hometown because she wasn't loyal to her administration. Absent what this means for civil liberties, if she's that power hungry as leader of a town of 9,000, what would she do as a major player in the federal government?

I heart Jesus

Palin also claims to be a "Bible-believing Christian," which according to Wikipedia (heh) means that she believes that the Christian Bible contains no theological contradictions, historical discrepancies, or other such errors. Great. Also, in regards to a proposed natural-gas pipeline she said, "I think God's will has to be done in unifying people and companies to get that gas line built." Let me explain something to those of you who might not get it. If there was a God, I seriously doubt that he gives a fuck about your gas line.

Fascism here we come

In her acceptance speech, she said this about Obama:

Al Qaeda terrorists still plot to inflict catastrophic harm on America ... he's worried that someone won't read them their rights.

Because, you know, brown people don't have rights.

It seems pretty obvious to me that Palin was chosen because she is what McCain isn't: young, attractive, and personable. Oh, and she's a woman. Which apparently somehow will balance out Obama's blackness. Here's what she's not: experienced, well-spoken, and credible. And her ideas seem to range from ridiculous to dangerous. She's sure as hell not someone who should be a heartbeat away from the presidency.

I have no idea how I'm going to vote come November. But right now, when I look at the McCain-Palin ticket, I'm not convinced that's the lesser of two evils.